Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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