saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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