she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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