She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
