Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
