Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
