im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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