His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
