I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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