Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
