I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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