I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
