We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
