The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
