Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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