Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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