My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
