I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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