I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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