last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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