Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
