1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
