My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
