Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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