how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
