level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
