I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
