In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
