she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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