so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
