he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's no shave November. This is our time.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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