I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
