just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
don't judge my taste in strippers
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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