she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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