she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
