I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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