Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
