Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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