He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I did not marry a roomba.
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