DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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