Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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