I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
