the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
