I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
