Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
