Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
