No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She's the barista slut.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I will be naked everywhere
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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