i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
