I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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