I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
